(My favorites in italics.)
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:
Nobody notices when things go right.
Wynne's Law:
Negative slack tends to increase
Walinsky's Law:
The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.
Walker's Law:
Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened. Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum. Hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.
Rather's Rule:
In dealing with the press do yourself a favor. Stick with one of three responses: (a) I know and I can tell you, (b) I know and I can't tell you, or (c) I don't know
O'Brien's Rule:
Nothing is ever done for the right reason.
The Obvious Law:
Actually, it only SEEMS as though you mustn't be deceived by appearances.
Occam's Electric Razor:
The most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and most frequently.
Old Children's Law:
If it tastes good, you can't have it. If it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.
Oppenheimer's Observation:
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.
Abrams's Advice:
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
Rule of Accuracy:
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Ade's Law:
Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
Airplane Law:
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Allen's Axiom
When all else fails, follow instructions.
Alley's Axiom:
Justice always prevails . . . three times out of seven.
Anderson's Law
Any system or program, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even more complicated.
Andrews's Canoeing Postulate:
No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.
Law of Annoyance:
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.
Army Axiom:
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Astrology Law:
It's always the wrong time of the month.
Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negatives:
No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Avery's Rule of Three:
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three.
Babcock's Law:
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.
Baker's Byroad:
When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
Baker's Law:
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
Baldy's Law:
Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
Barr's Comment on Domestic Tranquility:
On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy -- but we'll work on it.
Barth's Distinction
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age:
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
Beauregard's Law:
When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut.
Becker's Law:
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
Benchley's Law:
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
Berra's Law:
You can observe a lot just by watching.
Bicycle Law:
All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain.
A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain.
A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.
Boling's Postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Boob's Law:
You always find something the last place you look.
Boozer's Revision:
A bird in the hand is dead.
Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy:
When in doubt, mumble.
When in trouble, delegate.
When in charge, ponder.
Borstelmann's Rule:
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading:
Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
Lowrey's Law
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Lowrey's Law of Expertise
Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it any more.
Ordering Principle:
Those supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon.
Panic Instruction:
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Parkin's Law of Irritation:
Anything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at least once more.
Parson's Laws:
If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.
A place you want to get to is always just off the edge of the map you happen to have handy.
A meeting lasts at least 1 1/2 hours however short the agenda.
First Rule of Rural Mechanics:
If it works, don't fix it.
Ryan's Law:
Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.
Runamok's Law:
There are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing, those who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do things, and those who talk about doing things
Pudder's Law:
Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse.
The Pollyanna Paradox:
Every day, in every way, things get better and better; then worse again in the evening.